How to Get a Man to Open Up to U

30 Florida Man Stories So Outrageous You Won't Believe They're True

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Wacky, outrageous and usually drunk — Florida Man is the antihero you never knew you needed. There's really no end to his wild shenanigans — and that's no wonder, because he has to deal with hungry alligators, heat and madcap weather almost on the daily.

Florida's most notorious citizen isn't just one person, but an amalgamation of men (and women) who populate the Sunshine State. Here are some of their most ludicrous antics to date.

Florida Man Trips Over His Pants While Running From Police

Next time your grandma tells you not to wear your pants so baggy, listen to her; it might come in handy if you're ever running from the police. Daytona Beach resident Tobias Smith learned that lesson the hard way when he was pulled over for driving an unregistered vehicle.

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After fleeing the scene and leading officers on a wild car chase, Mr. Smith eventually ditched the vehicle and took off on foot — but he didn't get very far. With police hot on his tail, his pants began to slip down, causing him to stumble and fall. Police were able to catch up and arrest him on the spot.

Florida Man Parks Smart Car in Kitchen So It Won't Blow Away

Florida gets some crazy weather. So crazy, in fact, that you might have to park your car inside the house so you don't lose it during a storm. That's what happened to one Florida man when Hurricane Dorian blew through in 2019.

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Patrick Eldridge parked his Smart car in the kitchen so it wouldn't blow away during the Category 2 storm. With his wife's car already parked in the garage, he simply felt that there was no other option (save for cleaning out the other half of the garage — and who wants to do that?).

Florida Locals Use Gas Station Microwave to Warm Their Urine

In this story, several Florida men and women used a local gas station's microwave to warm up their urine — on a regular basis. You may wonder why one would want to warm up urine one time, let alone many times. Well, it might aid in passing a drug test, apparently.

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According to First Coast News, gas station owner Parul Patel (understandably) got sick of random people walking in to heat up their pee. His microwave now boasts a large sign stating "Don't microwave your urine." Whether or not it works remains to be seen, but we think that particular appliance should definitely be replaced.

Florida Man Goes on Vandalism Spree, Says Trump Owes Him a Trillion Dollars

A lot of people feel like the government owes them some money. There's no arguing that. But do they feel like Donald Trump personally owes them something? Not likely. Thirty-year-old Justin Wilson did, though. In fact, he felt that Mr. Trump owed him an astounding one trillion dollars.

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Mr. Wilson was so outraged that he went on a no-holds-barred vandalism rampage, smashing the windows of at least 20 cars in the parking lot of a Holiday Inn in Okaloosa. Onlookers say he beat the cars with a belt and some rocks. It's unclear whether or not he got his paycheck — but he did get some time in jail.

Florida Man Claims He Joined a Child Sex Ring Just to See "a Sting in Action"

Sometimes, Live PD just won't cut it. No longer satisfied with watching people get busted on television, you get right there in the middle of the action yourself. Thirty-four-year-old James Bowen from Gainesville was so serious about getting in on the action that he joined a child sex ring just so he could watch the police bust it up — supposedly.

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When Mr. Bowen was caught, along with six other men, he told the police that he knew he had been set up, but he did it anyway — just so he could witness a sting in real life. The police didn't buy the excuse, and he was arrested on the spot.

Florida Man Goes to a Christmas Festival and Screams "Santa Isn't Real" at Kids

Most people don't have incredibly strong feelings about Santa. You either tell your kids that he's real or you don't — no biggie. For one unnamed Florida man, however, the thought of a fat guy who delivers toys to children in a magic sleigh was highly offensive.

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This unidentified man so seriously disliked the idea of Santa that he busted into a Cape Coral Christmas fair and started screaming "Santa Claus doesn't exist!" at the children. Unfortunately, police were unable to put a stop to his rantings (free speech and all that jazz), leaving hundreds of parents wondering what to tell their disappointed kids.

Florida Man Robs Store Dressed as Spider-Man

What do you do if you want to rob a store? Wear a disguise, of course! While most would-be robbers might throw on a dark-colored hoodie or a face mask, one Florida man thought it was a good idea to dress as his favorite superhero: Spider-Man.

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Edward Wilburn was arrested after stealing almost $150 in liquor and $420 in Newport cigarettes from a Casselberry Winn-Dixie. Police say that Wilburn initially showed up unmasked, but upon realizing his error, he left and later returned in a Spidey costume. According to the Seminole County Sheriff's Office, the gentleman is a repeat offender.

Florida Man Attempts to Smoke Crack in ICU, Almost Burns Down Hospital

Sharing is caring. We all want to do nice things for the people we love, especially around the holidays. That's potentially why Florida man Lee Vern Cook thought it was a good idea to take some crack-cocaine to his hospitalized friend on Christmas Eve.

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According to police, Mr. Cook's (unnamed) friend was a patient at the North Okaloosa Medical Center when he decided to light up in his room. Unfortunately, the friend was hooked up to an oxygen machine and a small fire broke out. Mr. Cook was arrested, facing several charges including bringing a loaded firearm into the hospital.

Florida Man Breaks Into Home, Cooks Breakfast

If you woke up to a strange man cooking breakfast in your kitchen, would that be a good thing or a bad thing? Perhaps it depends on what they're making. One Florida family got to find out in real life when a drunk teenager entered their home at 4 a.m. for a quick snack.

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According to police, 19-year-old Gavin Crim entered the home via an unlocked back door and began cooking himself breakfast. When the owner confronted the hungry intruder, he was told to "go back to sleep." Mr. Crim was later found hiding in a wooded area behind the home and was arrested on a burglary charge.

Florida Man Impersonates Cop at IHOP to Get Free Food

When you're hungry, you're hungry. There's nothing you won't do to get some grub in your belly. But Florida man Matt Skytta took it a step too far when he (illegally) impersonated a police officer at his local IHOP to get some free pancakes.

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When the 55-year-old's clever ruse didn't work, he dropped trou and flashed his buttocks at the startled server — right after threatening to beat them up. As police arrived to arrest Skytta, he allegedly claimed to be a Green Beret and shouted, "If I die, Obama dies!" He earned himself charges of impersonating a law enforcement officer, trespassing and disorderly conduct.

Florida Man Repeatedly Jumps Into Crocodile Enclosure at Zoo, Leaves Behind All His Clothes

When staff members at a Florida alligator farm entered a crocodile enclosure and saw two floating Croc shoes and some clothing, they were worried. While they couldn't locate a body, they did find a trail of blood leading to the top of the 20-foot enclosure and alerted police right away.

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Luckily, a nearby neighbor had also called police to report a mostly naked man crawling through the bushes in her backyard. It wasn't difficult for the officers to put two and two together. As it turns out, the Florida man jumped into the croc enclosure several times before he eventually got attacked and ran away.

Two Florida Middle School Girls Attempt to Drink Classmates' Blood

We don't want Florida Man to get all the attention, so here's one about Florida Girl(s): Two middle school girls in central Florida were caught before they could carry out their plan to murder their fellow classmates and drink their blood. The two students, ages 11 and 12, brought knives to school in order to execute their plot.

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According to police, the girls' plan was to set up shop in the lavatory and wait for smaller students to enter, at which point they would stab the students and drink their blood. The two admitted to being Satanists and said they came up with the idea after watching scary movies together over the weekend.

Armless Florida Man Arrested for Stabbing Tourist With Scissors

Vacation can be full of surprises, good and bad. But one thing most people would never expect? Getting stabbed by an armless man. That's exactly what happened to 22-year-old Cesar Coronado when a homeless Florida Man stabbed him with a pair of scissors — using his feet.

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Coronado told police that he and a friend were asking the gentleman for directions when he lunged at them and stabbed Coronado, unprovoked. The homeless man, however, claims that he was lying down when Coronado and his friend punched him in the head for no reason. Despite these allegations, he was charged with aggravated battery and arrested.

Florida Man Didn't Flush Toilet at His Friend's House, Says "Sh*t Happens"

When you gotta go, you gotta go. But if you gotta go in someone else's house, you should at least flush when you're done. Florida man Keith Mounts never learned that lesson — and he didn't much appreciate being told to flush after leaving his victim a stinking surprise.

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When Mr. Mounts was called out on his poor manners, he threatened to chop up the accuser with a machete. Although he initially claimed to have been acting in self-defense, there was no evidence to corroborate that story. Later, he offered this explanation to police: "Sh*t happens." As a result, he was arrested on a felony aggravated assault charge.

Shirtless Florida Man Arrested for Going Door to Door Picking Fights

In what is possibly the most Florida thing to ever happen, a drunk, shirtless Pensacola man went door-to-door in a neighborhood looking for a fight. Thirty-two-year-old Christopher Doyle Norman began his drunken rampage by kicking open the gate to a trailer park and harassing bystanders.

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Eventually, he moved on to a neighboring apartment complex, where he dared residents to come out and fight him. Along the route, he punched a woman in the head, stole a pizza, ran into a fence and then passed out on top of it. In the end, he was charged with home invasion, battery, burglary, larceny and criminal mischief.

Florida Man Arrested After Giving Aggressive "Wet Willy"

A 47-year-old Florida man was arrested after giving his girlfriend a "wet willy" while drunk, according to an affidavit. For those not in the know: A "wet willy" is when one person wets their finger (typically in their mouth) and then sticks that finger inside another person's ear. Gross, but not typically grounds for arrest.

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The victim claimed that she and her boyfriend, Joseph Sirecci, went to visit a friend, along with the victim's daughter. Sirecci, who was drunk, became even more belligerent as the night went on. On the way home, the man allegedly pulled on his girlfriend's arm and gave her a "wet willy," resulting in battery charges.

Florida Grandma Removes Dentures to Scare Naked Intruder

When one Florida man tried to break into a home — fully nude — he was met by an unexpected adversary: toothless grandma. Pennelope Pettersen of Titusville says that she was taken aback when she peeked out her bedroom window to find a naked, gyrating intruder on her back porch, so she did the first thing she could think of.

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Twenty-eight-year-old Alex Rivera was just out looking for a cheap thrill. He made his way onto Pettersen's porch by forcing his way through a locked screen door and immediately began taking off his clothes. When Pettersen noticed the intruder, she did what any person would do: popped out her dentures and yelled "Grandma no teeth!" through the open window.

Florida Man Claims His Wife Was Abducted by Holograms

Back in 2014, a 53-year-old Florida man told police that intruders had abducted his wife with the assistance of holograms. According to their report, the unidentified man was "extremely agitated" and holding a baseball bat when officials arrived. He told them that a group of men, using hologram projections to communicate with each other, had taken his wife.

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The wife was later located just down the road at a nearby trailer park, hanging out with her husband's aunt. According to the aunt, the woman was drunk, but not the victim of a crime. A search was conducted of the surrounding area, but no hologram-wielding kidnappers were uncovered.

Florida Man Arrested for Attempting to "Barbecue" Child Molesters

When it comes to criminals, people who hurt children are the worst of the worst. No one likes them — not even fellow criminals. It may not be so surprising, then, that this Florida man decided to take the law into his own hands and eradicate his hometown of child molesters.

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On his violent quest for "justice," Jorge Porto-Sierra decided to get rid of sex offenders via the grill. Porto-Sierra allegedly attacked several individuals with gasoline and, later, freely admitted to detectives his plan to set the predators on fire. When the police asked why he didn't follow through with the plan, Porto-Sierra responded, "because you got here too soon."

Florida Man Steals 850 Pairs of Underwear From Victoria's Secret

An 18-year-old Florida man (and his underage accomplice) were accused of stealing 850 pairs of underwear from Victoria's Secret in 2014. According to NBC6 in Miramar, Daniel Espinosa stole more than $15,000 worth of property from the store on three separate occasions.

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Broward Circuit Judge John Hurley said, "In November of 2013, [Espinosa] stole 300 pieces of Dream Angels women's underwear. And, allegedly on another date, stole 175 pairs of women's underwear, and that was worth over $2,500. And allegedly on another date, stole 375 pairs of women's underwear. That was over $5,000." No word on what he did with the panties.

Florida Man Faces Obscenity Charges for "I Eat A**" Window Sticker

There's personal expression, and then there's just being crude. So seems the case with 23-year-old Florida man Dillon Shane Webb, who was arrested in 2019 for having an "I eat a**" sticker plastered on the window of his pickup truck — or, rather, for refusing to remove it.

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Apparently, Florida has a statute dealing with the possession and distribution of obscene material. Police decided that Webb's sticker was obscene. When asked to remove one of the letters from the word "ass" to make it less obscene, the young man refused and was charged with resisting.

Florida Man Dressed as Fred Flintstone Pulled Over for "Speeding" in "Footmobile"

In a scene straight out of the movies, a Florida man dressed as Fred Flintstone was pulled over for exceeding the speed limit in his homemade "footmobile" — designed to look exactly like the one from the cartoon. Don Swartz's Smart car looked like an almost exact replica of the foot-powered vehicle used in the 1960s series The Flintstones.

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Unfortunately, though the car was very real, the traffic stop was not. According to WBTV, the entire thing was staged and no real citation was issued or property seized. It appears to have been nothing more than a fun photo op for the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, which posted pics to its Facebook page after the fact.

Florida Man Attacks Nephew Over Undercooked Noodles

Everyone has a pasta preference — and apparently, Florida man Richard Vine Newton likes his noodles a bit on the harder side. Word has it that when his nephew complained about the al dente pasta, Mr. Newton started screaming and shoved his nephew in the face. The nephew then shoved him back and left the apartment.

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Unfortunately, Mr. Newton followed and charged him with a knife, making slashing motions. Witnesses called police. Though his nephew escaped injury, Newton was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and domestic battery. Moral of the story? Don't cook pasta for your Floridian friends unless you know how they like their noodles!

Florida Man Calls 911 to Check His Tax Return

We've all been there: You spend hours preparing your tax return, you attach all of the appropriate forms, you finally get it in the mail and...crickets. You wait for weeks and don't hear anything back from the IRS. But you really need your money. Well, this Florida man was having none of that.

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According to the Tampa Bay Times, "James Mahoney, of St. Petersburg, called 911 while intoxicated and said he was 'messed up.' When deputies arrived, he was still on the phone with the dispatcher. When deputies asked him why he called 911, he said it was to check on his tax return."

Florida Man Breaks Into Neighbor's House, Fully Nude, to Find Sesame Seeds for His Burger

A 48-year-old Florida man who was accused of burglarizing his neighbor's home while fully naked told police he just wanted sesame seeds for his burger. The man, Martin Henderson, allegedly used a butter knife to jimmy his neighbor's door. When the homeowner heard a commotion, he came downstairs to find the nude intruder standing in his kitchen.

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The homeowner called 911, and responding officers arrested Henderson, who claimed to have been high on synthetic marijuana at the time of the incident. He was charged with burglary and possession of a burglary tool, though it's unclear if he ever found his sesame seeds.

Florida Man Pours Beer Into Alligator's Mouth

Twenty-seven-year-old Florida man Timothy Kepke was arrested after allegedly capturing an alligator and attempting to pour beer down its throat. The incident occurred after Kepke's friend, 22-year-old Noah Osborne, caught the gator. The two filmed the entire incident, leaving little room for interpretation.

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What authorities saw was Osborne catching the gator with his bare hands, then Kepke taunting it into biting his arm. Once it latched on, Kepke poured beer into the animal's mouth, causing it to become aggressive. They then let the gator go. Authorities later visited Kepke's home, where he admitted that it was him on the film, and was arrested.

Florida Men Attack Ice Cream Man Who Wouldn't Take Counterfeit $20 Bill for Pickled Sausage

First of all: What is a pickled sausage? Is that a Florida thing? Because we've never heard of it. Secondly: Why is the ice cream man selling pickled sausage? Either way, three Florida men assaulted an ice cream man when he wouldn't sell them said sausage.

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The incident occurred at an Ocala park in 2014, when the three men in question tried to purchase a pickled sausage with a counterfeit $20 bill. When the ice cream man questioned them and refused to complete the sale, one of the men pulled out a gun. The vendor tried to wrestle it away but was struck in the eye.

Florida Man Tries to Steal 26 Cars From Jail Parking Lot Just After Being Released

There are lots of questionable tales on this list, but this one is by far one of the stupidest moves we've ever seen. Sixty-eight-year-old Florida man Dennis Libonati was promptly sent back to jail right after being released — because he tried to break into 26 different cars right there in the jail's parking lot.

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The entire incident was caught on camera (because, naturally, jails have surveillance video), and Libonati could clearly be seen going from vehicle to vehicle, pulling on door handles. The would-be thief was also seen trying to break into two sheriff's office vehicles and hot-wiring an ATV used by the department.

Is That a Chainsaw, or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

There are things you could probably get away with stuffing down your pants if you were so inclined. A liter of soda, maybe, or a candy bar. And, as one very brave Florida man demonstrated, one may also fit a full-sized chainsaw down the front of his trousers.

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According to the New Port Richey Patch, 27-year-old Anthony Ballard was caught on camera shoving a chainsaw down his pants and then covering it up with his shirt. He made it all the way out of the store and onto his bicycle before employees chased him down, causing him to drop the illicit goods.

Florida Man, Once Arrested for Fighting Drag Queen With a Tiki Torch, Runs for Mayor

Florida Man Boyd Corbin, once arrested for fighting a drag queen with a tiki torch while dressed as a KKK member, decided to run for mayor of Wilton Manors in 2014. Since his 2012 arrest for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon (the tiki torch), Corbin has repeatedly talked about the injustices of his case.

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The entire thing, he says, comes down to the mistaken belief that he was the aggressor in the drag queen fight. In reality, Boyd says, he was only defending himself (though he's offered no explanation for the KKK costume). Though Corbin's 2014 mayoral bid was a bust, he continues to be involved in politics.

How to Get a Man to Open Up to U

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